Creaking to Action

After 3 weeks hiatus (more like recovery hiatus) getting back to action seems to be a Herculean task. Double flu and respiratory infection doesn’t leave one brimming with joy in any sense. But for those who are sick, nothing like being looked after. Being fussed over for 2 weeks at home was the best medicine of all.

But creaking my way back to action is a pain. Suddenly you have to start looking after yourself? In my indignation at the thought, I have conveniently forgotten the fact that, that was what i did before i fell sick and that this independence was of my own making. Suddenly it doesn’t seem anything to treasure. Working everyday still tires me out, going back and cleaning exhausts me, cooking almost finishes the job of self torture. These were things I enjoyed or did without thinking. Why is it so hard now? And when will I be completely myself again?

The whole process of falling sick has just re-established the fact I really want a change. I am waiting to finish this work requirement and get my scholarship and start studying. Being a student again is all I can think of. While I’m happy that the sick period has made me realize how much I want to study and re-enforced my reason for where I am right now, the frustration that’s been building up without me even realizing it is just unbearable. How many of us live a life like this? Work towards a life we aspire. I wonder if we all get to live the aspiration or live a life of just hoping. Melancholy? well it suits my current mood.

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