You know you are a Mom when…

At 7 months

At 7 months

1. Its been a year since you last blogged.

2. You feel like you have faced your biggest fear and overcome it when you managed to clip your baby’s nails without cutting him

3. You are obsessed with topics of baby poo; the colour, the texture, the smell and every other gross detail of it.

4. Your new look includes drool and spit on your hair and food caked in all weird parts of your body.

5. You find yourself obsessively checking for fever, rashes, spots on your baby every 2 minutes.

6. When you are convinced every sneeze is the onset of a flu.

7.  When you realise how your baby’s cry is so very different from other babies who still sound all the same.

8. When you are bone tired and wishing that your baby would just sleep, but as soon as he does, you miss his gummy smile and so you prod him awake.

9. When you realise that you have spent the last 2 hours staring at him sleep

10. When you find yourself humming the ridiculous Gigglebellies songs in the shower.

11. When bath time includes rubber ducks.

12. When you find yourself whispering at dinner though your baby is fast asleep upstairs.

13. When the best part of your day includes kissing chubby, petal soft cheeks and feet.

14. When you think farts and burps are the cutest sounds ever.

15. When you feel gummy smiles should be included in the wonders of the world.

16. When you don’t really mind clumps of your hair being pulled from their roots at play time.

17. When every outing includes, bottles, flask, treats, toys, sunscreen, diapers….basically a bag that would have all the essentials to survive a nuclear war.

18. When nights are all about baby smells, cuddles and hugs and less about sleep.

19. When you have accute tendonitis but still want to carry your baby with your painful arms.

20. When you eat awful ‘healthy’ food so that you can make better milk for your baby.

21. When you keep bringing down last week’s clothes which are already too small and find yourself sobbing over them.

22. When every new phase makes you deliriously happy and sad at the same time.

23. When you miss your baby even if you are with him the whole day.

24. When talking in funny voices is the new norm.

25. When you find yourself praying everyday only for him.

26. When you love the thought of having grandkids simply because they belong to your baby.

27. When staying at home all day is suddenly a good thing.

28. When you have a million pictures of him sleeping, playing, smiling; infact doing normal things which you think are special.

29. When you can do housework with just one hand you are carrying him with the other.

30. When the first blog you write after a year is all about him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

My Experiences with Pick -up Lines

Being a 28 year old girl with fairly decent looks, I have had my share of being harassed by guys. Wolf whistles, being followed by off-keyed Hindi and Tamil song renditions, being stared at are all part of most girls’ days in India. But you do start feeling sorry for the guys when they finally turn to pathetic and insanely stupid pick up lines. Some of them have been so bad, but so funny, that I thought it was about time to share them with the world. So here’s to all those poor blokes who have had the misfortune of coming up to me with hopes and getting chewed up in the process.

The Worst One of’em all: Let us share the sweet milk of friendship.

Me: Blank

  • No Bling? What about if I give you a ring?

Me: What about a fat lip?

  • Your eyes are the colour of shimmering asphalt in the summer.

Me: Well yours look like your doped, which you must be. Shimmering asphalt??

  • Single? Or taken but wants to mingle?

Me:  Kill me. Kill me. Kill me.

  • Tea? Coffee? Juice? Water?

Me: A gun maybe?

  • Can I have your number?  Me: No

Can I have your address? Me: No

Do you want my num? Me: No

Can I buy you a drink? Me: No

Do you want to buy me a drink? Me: No

Can I have 10 bucks change for cigarettes? Me: WTF!

  • If you want to slack off, I can take you for a ride.

Me: To the police station would be nice.

  • Wanna feel my biceps?

Me: Wanna feel my fists?

  • What an ass you have.

Me: What an asshole you are.

  • Babes like you dig me big time.

Me: Yeah, would love to dig you into the earth.

  • A cool girl needs a hot guy like me.

Me: Also an axe to chop your penis off.

  • You know what they say about big feet. (And thrusts his pelvis at me)
    • Me: Pea sized brain??
  • Oh you are so beautiful; you must be an air hostess with Kingfisher.

Me: Oh you must be that escaped lunatic from the asylum.

  • Movie and dinner or shall we skip to after?

Me: How about we skip to before where we haven’t met and keep it that way?

  • You have very pretty toe nails. Can I have them when you cut them?

Me: O….K….Someone call for help.

  • Praise the lord who created you.

Me: Yeah and curse him for creating you.

  • How about you facebook me and we can hook up?

Me: How about you jump off a bridge?

  • Why’s a beautiful girl like you walking alone on the road?

Me: Avoiding creeps like you.

  • Hi, My favourite fruit is jackfruit.

Me: Hmm, must be coz you are a jack ass.

  • I am from a very good family.

Me: Really??Honest? Unbelievable.

  • You have pretty eyebrows. Do you wax them or thread them? Do you use Maybelline charcoal tipped pencil to define them?

Me: Have you considered a sex change?

  • You are my queen.

Me: Off with your head.

The Best of’em all: Hello, My name is Bart. Is this seat taken?

Me: Sigh, I think I’m in love…

And they go on and on and on..But they sure do keep me entertained.